My first official race!

The Sunday after St. Patrick's Day, Chris and I attended the Shamrock Run in Portland, along with 31,998 other people. It was sooooo freakin' cold and rainy at first, but once we finally got moving it was rather nice. Chris ran the 8 K and I walked the 5 K Shamrock strut (or as I like to call it, the Shamwalk). Ok, admittedly, my event was un-timed and non-competitive, but I still got an official shirt and race bib, so it counts, right???

Bu bu bum! Bu bu bum! Bu bu bu bum...CAT SHOW!!!

Last weekend, one of my secret dreams came true. I discovered that we had the opportunity to see not only: 1) about 250 (mostly) gorgeous kitties, but 2) over 250 freaky cat people! All in one place!!! Yes, the Cat Fanciers Association hosted the Oregon Cats Classic at the Portland Expo Center, just across the river from our fair city of Vancouver. In doing a little research, I came to discover that the show would feature "Championship, Premiership, Kittens, Household Pets, Veterans and Agility". Oh yes, you read that correctly: agility. For cats. As in an obstacle course. Which automatically means that I HAD to go. And just to let you know, I did get video of a cat running the course, but it's at the end so you have to look at some pictures first!

Here's what we saw:

Lots of cat-related license plates and bumper stickers in the parking lot.

A mess of crazy cat people in one room.

This friendly guy, named "Dances with Mice".

This dude, some kind of cat expert with very odd hair, giving ribbons to terrified cats huddled in the back of their cages.

Something that someone was trying to pass off as an actual cat (btw, the hearts and sparkles aren't fooling anyone - that thing is definitely evil).

Rows upon rows of these little hoop hutches, decked out with ribbons, sparkly bits, toys, and cats (usually passed out).

Nearly all the Persian kitties were wearing coffee filters around their necks. Supposedly it was to keep them from licking and messing up their fur, but I think the real purpose was to teach those cats a lesson in humility, because god knows they need it.

More judging. This cat was clearly peeking at the score card and didn't look too happy about what he saw.

Apparently, one of the criteria for a winning cat is that it has to be alive. To determine whether the cat is simply comatose and not dead, this tool is often used to elicit an instinctual reaction.

Apparently, the requirement of *NOT* scaring small children was not considered when making the rules for what creatures can participate in the cat show. Terrifying.

Cats do obstacle courses waaaay differently than dogs. This cat decided to take a 7th inning stretch mid-way through the agility course. It was highly entertaining watching owners frantically waving feathered toys and sparkle sticks at their cats, trying to get them to move in something other than a random direction on the course.

The "Pet Me" cats were generally pretty adorbs!

Ok, I guess you've been good and have waited long enough. This was the first cat we saw on the agility course and was the best by far of any we watched during the day. This one actually got through most of the course pretty quickly. Generally, the other cats either walked across the course and laid down, hid in the tunnels because they were freaked out, or stood there looking pissed about their handler daring to put them in a position of amusement and ridicule for the enjoyment of humans. Anyway, here you go!

So, coming back from the cat show, Chris and I decided a couple of things. First, our cats pretty much suck. We have five cats and only one or two really like to be petted (sometimes), only about half a cat could be considered a "lap cat", and none of them would ever permit us to put them in a room with hundreds of other cats without causing a major disturbance or at least summoning an ambulance or two. We tried to trade in a few of ours, but there were no takers; we actually considered simply bringing Oliver there and just leaving him. But we're kind of pussies too, so neither of those options worked out. And second, and keep this on the down-low...I might just be one of those crazy cat people. Shhhhh... (oh - and by the way - the cat show is coming back to Vancouver in June!!! Who wants to come with?)

That's how I roll

Now that my average bowling score is firmly in the three-digit range (101, baby!), I decided to move up in the world of bowling balls. While I heart my leopard-spotted plastic ball, it's just too light and it pretty much just bounces off the pins, especially if the pins give my ball the evil eye. The result: those dumb pins just keep standing there. My aim has really improved (I think), and I even scored a 156 a couple of weeks ago - my new high score! So, to teach those pins a lesson, I'm bringing in the big guns with a fancy new bowling ball. All hail the Pearl Panther! This orb is a swirl of pink and black pearlized ferociousness, and features a silver-glittered panther and a buzz saw blade on its surface (I don't know why the buzz saw blade is there, because the manufacturer is Lane 1, but the buzz saw blade looks extra badass so I'm fine with it). It's a reactive ball, weighted to hook nicely and hit the pocket just right, giving the pins no chance but to bow down to the ball's master. And that would be me.

I will let you know what happens. I'm going to practice with my new ball on Saturday and we'll see how it goes.

Meanwhile, since Tyleen posted about the books she's reading, I thought I'd pass along my recent reading spree - the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins. WOW!!! I read all three (The Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay) in quick time. They are about a post-apocalyptic society (in what was formerly North America) and the social rules that society imposes to keep order and maintain power. Very violent but captivating. I can't wait to see the movie, which comes out in March. So, now I'm going to read Hedy's Folly: The Life and Breakthrough Inventions of Hedy Lamarr, the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. A true story - Hedy Lamarr was a burlesque dancer in the 1920's who invented much of the digital wireless foundation for technology we have today, such as cell phones. Pasties and weapons deals and crazy inventions...this should be a good one.

And the 2011 Cat of the Year is...

Well, I hope you've all been working hard to figure out the best way to survive a zombie apocalypse. I'll give you a few minutes' break from your weaponry training for this bit of news: we've crowned the 2011 Cat of the Year! Can you guess who is is? Here's a hint:


Yes, Samantha won Cat of the Year for her many fine feline qualities. For example, she excels at purring. Plus, she's not afraid to get right up on you to let you know that you should squidgle her so that she can pur. Additionally, she loves to lick faces! She really is the most cat-like out of all of our cats, which can otherwise be considered as: 1) a butt-sniffing wide-load oaf (Oliver); 2) invisible (Momo); 3) a cranky old man (Jesse) and 4) a demonic mayhem-inflicting bruiser (Abbey).

Congratulations, Samantha! I hope you enjoy your reign as Cat of the Year! (And maybe shove it in the others' faces a little bit more so they have something to strive for. They really should be showing better behavior if they want to ever win Cat of the Year.)

Now. Have you figured out the best way to de-brain a corpse that you're not sure is infected by the zombie infection? No? Well, you'd better get back to your training then. Toodles!

Happy Unofficial Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Awareness Week!!!

And happy new year, as well! I've taken a good hard look at this blog and have decided that it has morphed into something not very Marcilicious in recent months. I mean, who wants to just read about all the things I've done, places I've gone, and people I've seen? Right. So, I'm assuming that, like me, you're much more interested in other things...like zombie apocalypse readiness. Or, like me, maybe you're just missing fresh episodes of "The Walking Dead" (damn, you mid-season slump!). To lessen the withdrawal symptoms, I've been watching the "Resident Evil" movies, but I only watch one a week because I get DVDs one at a time from Netfarts. But at that rate, The Walking Dead will be back before I know it.

In the meantime, I've declared this week Unofficial Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Awareness Week! Never mind that it's Wednesday and the week started on Sunday - it's never to late to brush up on your zombie readiness tactics; that is, unless, you find yourself in the middle of a Level 2 zombie infestation and you are not prepared. So, really, I guess its never to *soon* to brush up on your zombie readiness tactics.


So let's start. Take a look at Figure 1, below:

Figure 1

It's time to make some tough decisions. When the zombie apocalypse comes a-knockin', what will you do? Most people will ultimately serve as screaming brain-stuffed appetizers prior to the main course of screaming brain-stuffed entree. I, for one, will choose not to be in the red zone. I will not divulge my zombie resistance survival plan here, but I strongly suggest you read "The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, poste haste! You will want to be prepared, and if you can't be a badass (see Figure 2):

Figure 2

...or if you don't have the resources for genius (see Figure 3):

Figure 3

...then I suggest you start reading right away. You can also attempt to desensitize yourself by watching zombie movies as well. Some of my favorites are Shaun of the Dead (of course), Tokyo Zombie, and RoboGeisha (which is not a zombie movie, but I came across it when I found Tokyo Zombie). And, because they're worth mentioning again, Resident Evil and The Walking Dead will provide invaluable information on how to survive the zombie plague.

Good luck, my friends, let me know how things turn out for you!

Thanksgiving time already???

Well, I guess Halloween can't last forever. But, just in case you're sad about the season ending (like I am), here are a few pictures for you from our Halloween party!

Our terrifying living room (the blog header is a closeup of the mantle).

We turned our basement into a spider den! Horrific!

Even more scary, I made my first attempt at wearing false eyelashes. It didn't go too badly! Plus, they were purple.

Here's my costume! I was going for Mad Hatter, but I'll also accept Mimi from the Drew Carey Show (not really) or drag queen.

Christopher was the local reed dealer. You know, because he makes and sells reeds for oboe.

We had some amazing costumes at our party, including plenty of Star Wars characters. Rachael was the Death Star, her being pregnant and all.

Paul's costume was clever - he went to the evite site and wrote all the party-goers names on name tags. His concept: identity thief.

Those eyeball cupcakes didn't stand a chance!

Uh oh...looks like the party is getting started...

Indeed! We even had Elvis singing karaoke in the spider den!

Hey you two - no funny business! Just kidding, carry on with the funny business.

So scary! But fun! Looking forward to another good time next year!

Get your freak on! It's Halloween!

Spider fun facts!

I did a little research, and within no time, I learned Shelob's true identity: she's a common European cross spider (Araneus diadematus). I don't know why she came from Europe; presumably, she heard about how most of the humans on this continent are flavored with pork grease, corn syrup, and MSG. But you can see why she's a cross spider - the white cross on her abdomen stands out clearly in the photo I took of her in my previous post.

Anyway, a couple of interesting things I learned about cross spiders. They are orb-weavers, and rebuild their large webs almost every day. Most suburban yards around here have over one hundred webs in them, which I can believe given the number of webs on our front porch alone. When creating the radial support lines for the web, the spider takes advantage of the morning winds (she often anchors them a fair distance away, so uses the wind to carry her to an anchor spot), and the orientation of the resulting web indicates the morning wind pattern.

Also, the females will perch upside down in the web (like in my pictures below) waiting for prey, and when something hits the web, she darts over, immobilizes it with venom, then wraps it up in silk. I actually saw Shelob do this with a bee a few weeks ago - she was crazy fast, and she wrapped that sucker up good and tight in no time.

But here's what I'm really not looking forward to. In late summer and fall (now!?), the females will lay egg sacs, which hatch out about a gazillion little spiderlets that hang out in clumps then disperse after a few days. While spiderlets sound cute, you can be assured that several will reach adulthood and wreak havoc upon the local hobbit population (or whatever else that will make an appropriate substitute, since I believe Shelob consumed the last of our hobbits). I am not crazy about the prospect of finding over a hundred of these clusters in my yard any time soon:

Bleck!

I'm now thinking that telecommuting may be the way to go, permanently. I can send Chris out to get groceries and cat litter, and if he doesn't make it back, well, I guess that means my arachnophobia-induced precautions will be validated. I haven't seen Shelob in a few days now, but I'm sure that's because she's off laying egg sacs or planning something equally nefarious. I'm glad that I got some photos of her before she disappeared so that the police will have something to go on when they find, in response to a neighbor's report about a "funny smell coming from the yellow house", our cold lifeless bodies sucked dry and wrapped in silk.

Shit. I just read the rest of the spider website...I guess we're coming up on Tegenaria duellica season: the season of the giant house spider, which are common in this area. And since I'm pretty sure it eats cats for between-meal snacks, I'm guessing I'm screwed.

This here is a giant house spider. Sorry, I did not get permission to use this photo, but it was the only one with a reference to scale so you can see how utterly horrifying this creature is. And our basement is likely chock-full of them.